I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
