yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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