it was like his penis was on wheels.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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