cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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