Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
