he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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