but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
