That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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