I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
