oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
love makes seman taste better
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
