dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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