ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
