Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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