just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
