Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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