even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
