i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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