i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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