I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
