you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
