You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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