They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
