There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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