watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
