Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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