it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
