Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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