It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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