i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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