why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
