Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
