Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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