She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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