he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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