I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
