it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
