Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My breasts were aching with rage.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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