Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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