Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
