So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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