i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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