I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
