Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
