you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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