you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
