I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
