I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
