Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
