$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
