He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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