just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
