i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
