i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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