My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
