so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
