I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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