I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
