Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
