Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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