I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
