She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
