Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
