why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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