Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
