is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
