There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
