My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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