I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
