I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
