My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
