Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
