Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
